A Fallic Book And A Shocked Shuuhei!
by Mugen Tenshin
Summary: Shuuhei is bored and lookin for stuff to entertain himself with, and Matsumoto is back in town with a surprise for him! Shuuran if you want.


Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Bleach Or Anything That Belongs To Tite Kubo. Although I Found A Sweet Tensa Zangetsu Replica That I Will Be Purchasing Very Soon! BANKAI!….yah right P

**A Fallic Book And A Shocked Shuuhei!**

It was a bright afternoon in Seireitei the birds were chirping the air blew swiftly and softly threw the seemingly endless paths of Seireitei. It was nice and calm just the way soul society should be…calm….quiet….and booooring…

Yaaaaawn an overly long and bored wail resounded from Shuuhei's Mouth. "I know the path of least blood shed is the right way to go but it isn't the most interesting". Things had being pretty boring since the other lieutenants and Captain Hitsugaya had gone to the karakura town to await the upcoming Arrancar attack. "_Why'd old man Yama send all the lieutenants that were my friends there…Kira is cool and all but you can't hang out with one person over and over". _Shuuhei was getting aggravated cause he had asked himself a question, which meant he was trying to strike up a conversation with himself.

"BAH! I gotta get outta here!". He said quite out loud.

Matsumoto hummed happily while she walked down one of the paths in Seireitei while holding a stack of papers under her right arm neatly in a folder. She had been sent back to hand in a report after the Arrancar attack in Karakura town, it was a report about their motives and Zanpakuto abilities, she smiled as she remembered what Captain Hitsugaya had said to her when he handed her, his and everyone else's report's on the situation.

"_Since you didn't even touch a pen and pretended to nap the whole time I was writing this I am sending you back to hand in these urgent reports". _Rangiku smiled when she remembered that he was scowling so hard she thought his face was going to fold inwards. She had the reports under one arm but in her other hand she had a peculiar book that she had purchased one day when she was shopping with Orihime the title "**The Big Book Of Sexual Positions" **she read the title of the book in the store And could not stop herself, The first thing that came to mind was "Hitsugaya Taichou is going to love this!".

Needless To Say the boy genius was not as amused as Matsumoto was about it….

But she had bought it and said "oh well maybe I can still freak some other people out with it". And that she did, many a person fell blushing to Matsumoto Rangiku's new found "knowledge". She was walking towards the main office when she caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a zombified Shuuhei Hisagi stumbling around looking like he could really use break from Seireitei life…and then an evil grin appeared on her face and she started walking towards the very bored looking shinigami.

Shuuhei had been wandering around looking for stuff to do cause not only did he have nothing to do but it was his day off so he couldn't even boss around his division and that's when he saw her. She had an evil smile plastered on her face and was walking towards him but he didn't care because Matsumoto was always good for some fun. "Matsumoto-san! Good to see you, what brings you back to Soul Society".

"Shuuhei-kun I told you to stop calling me "Matsumoto-san" its so damn formal just call me Rangiku" she said smiling poking him in the chest. Shuuhei blushed stupidly because he had tried his whole damn life to be formal but heh lets face it he was no Kuchiki Byakuya…(shudder) he looked at the book in her hand that she poked him with but disregarded it cause how was a book gunna change his day right? Hah books were too boring to change his day…(yah right eh P) But for the sake of conversation he asked anyway.

"Whatcha got there…Rangiku-san". He asked pointing at the book in left hand.

Then Matsumoto remembered her dastardly intentions. "What this?" she said acting surprised.

"Why this my friend is a book of how many sexual positions two people can do". She stated calmly.

"Oh Really". Said Shuuhei trying to force his blush down and keep his voice from breaking.

"Yep! Take a look". She then dropped the stack of papers and popped open the book. "look its like a instructional manual they even have them numbered! Amazing isn't it". She said smiling.

Shuuhei just let out a simple "uh huh" as his face slowly started turning red as she was flipping pages. Then Matsumoto stopped reading to take a look at the no doubt price less expression on shuuhei's face, but when she looked at him the first thing she noticed was the tattoo on his face….69…he had said once this was the number of the district in Rukongai where he grew up. But she couldn't stop herself from checking her lil book.

Shuuhei still trying to restrain his stupid blush had noticed Matsumoto get more focused on the book and she started quickly flipping threw pages and then she stopped looked down the page and said quite loudly "HERE!"

"here what Rangiku-san?" he asked

"Look the position 69 in the book just like your tattoo…the tattoo on your face means this!" she said excitedly.

Shuuhei took a good look…. then his face went so red you'd of thought someone ran by and thrown a bucket of red paint on him…then he went really white and he fell down sliding against the wall. Then he looked up at Matsumoto and she looked down at him seriously. And then she said….

"I think that's freakin awesome don't you think!" she started giggling madly.

Shuuhei thought…"_no more fun today" sigh_

Zomg First fic plz don't crush my spirit! Thanx for reading!

_Sincerely Mugen Tenshin._


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